Meet the Parents

Though my Mom was thrilled I decided to try out Jdate, she provided me with a stern warning, "Girls your age don't want to casually date. They don't want take things slow. They want to nest and start popping out babies. By the 6th of 7th date they will have already picked out the wedding dress and your childrens' names." I thought my mom was being pretty alarmist, similar to when she claimed that talking on my cell phone will give me brain cancer or that I need to be be careful not to put my drink down when I go out, because someone might drug me and steal my kidneys. Unfortunately in this case, Moms are usually right.

On our fourth date, I headed out to have dinner near her place in King of Prussia. I didn't have my car in Philly yet, so I took the R5 train out. We had a delicious sushi dinner (no that isn't a euphemism) and we went back to her place to watch a movie (yes that is a euphemism) before my train back. Before the movie started, I asked her to check the SEPTA schedule to see when the last two trains were, just to make sure I was able to get back into Philly that night (I had work early the next morning). When the movie finished, I asked her if we still had time to hang out before the last train left. She said, "Of course, the last train doesn't leave for at least an hour." The train actually left during the movie (I could probably make that into a euphemism). This stranded me in KOP for the night. I figured she had misread the schedule and just took a train into the city at the crack o dawn.

A week later was St. Patrick's day. We did the normal, Philly Erin Express wake up at noon and start drinking shitty, green, watered down beer thing. I spent the night over at her place the day after. As we were going to sleep, she turned to me and said, "My mom loved that picture of us from yesterday. She put it up in her home office right next to her picture of my sister and brother-in-law, and tells me that she can't wait to meet you." This was unsettling for a variety of reasons. 1) I didn't even know that a picture of us had been taken 2) Reason 1 precludes a good picture because I was either incredibly drunk at the time or someone took the picture without telling either of us, meaning that we weren't looking at the camera 3) reasons 1 and 2 should preclude her mom thinking that it was a good picture... I can imagine the conversation now, "Mom, despite the fact that he looks like an alcoholic, he's actually a great guy." 4) Telling the guy you are dating that your mom put a picture of you next to your sister and her husband and that she wants to meet you is probably the easiest way to give him commitment anxiety.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions. Things were going well, and I really enjoyed spending time with her. She was very intelligent, witty and cute, so I figured that I would bring it up next time we talked (which would be around six and a half weeks after our first date). I called her and before I had a chance to bring anything up, she asked what I was doing the coming weekend. I said that Friday night my parents were coming through town on their way up to NYC from FL and that I was having dinner with them, my best friend and his girlfriend (both of whom my parents had met several times before). She was silent for a few moments and said, "I assume the reservation is for 6." I was so preoccupied with how I was going to bring up her comment from the day before, I didn't even realize the trap I was walking into. I responded, "No, Its just my parents, my two friends and me, which is 5." She paused again and said, "Don't you think its a little strange that you are taking your best friend out to dinner with parents but not your serious girlfriend." It was at that moment I received a vision of my loving mother shaking her finger at me and saying, "Nesting... I told you so!" Call me "old fashioned" but even though we had discussed being exclusive, going from that to "serious girlfriend" is a big leap (so is going from "serious girlfriend" to meeting the parents). I realize a sizable portion of those on Jdate are there looking for a serious relationship (I count myself as part of that group), but, in my experience, rushing things leads nowhere happy and only creates asymmetries in relationships that ultimately can lead it to fail. Plus, I normally pee on people before I have them meet their parents anyways (read the other posts if that doesn't make sense).